Firefighter Zip Hoodie FIREFIGHTERS DLTS Products - by JOHN MORGAN HAMILTON

Firefighter Zip Hoodie FIREFIGHTERS DLTS Products - by JOHN MORGAN HAMILTON

Flight 11 Throw Pillow Flight 11 DLTS Products - by JOHN MORGAN HAMILTON

Flight 11 Throw Pillow Flight 11 DLTS Products - by JOHN MORGAN HAMILTON

6 Dream to Reality 10/26/09

Last night wasn’t one of my better nights, I was awaken by a feel someone was watching me and it felt so real. A sound of water moving violently, like someone or thing big was moving through it very fast and it or they stop at the door of the SUV. My skin started to crow and I could hear everything around me moving outside the SUV, the wind, the bag in a trash can 6 or 7 feet away, it was so scary and I’m not the type of person to give in the fear, at least this type of fear but this time was somewhat different. At first I couldn’t move, frozen and getting angry at the same time as I reached down grabbing my katana. Whatever it was or whomever they were, my safely zone was broken and that a unwelcoming feeling, it was a feeling of being physically threaten. I actually felt something big and I mean “very big” was standing on the other side of the door, it even cast a shadow on the door window. This instantly caused me to go into a mental combat mode that was physically prepared me to act out my thoughts to protect myself. I felt a presents to close, to big and not sure if it was friendly or threatening; it just stood there. As I prepared myself for the unknown (combat), inhaling deeply until my breathing became very shallow, a traditional technique called Ti. There were so many thoughts funning around in my head, it gave me a headache - it was if I was in another world and fear, a different type of fear was pushing me to become aggressive. If this is someone wanting to rob me this would have been the wrong day and place for them or it would be the wrong day and place for me. They could have a gun or it could be more than one person, if so, what would I do? or what if it was something very big behind the shadow cast over my door window that wasn‘t a person. I would find out once I stepped outside the vehicle - none of this I know the answer to because I no clear view outside which meant, they didn’t have a clear view inside. It was dark and the night time would be my friend to combat against what I was going to encounter. Then the shadow move slowly down indicating they were leaving or moving away from the SUV then what sounded like lots of water moving again and it or they were gone. Was this what some people call having an anxiety attack? or was my mind playing tricks on me? or did something or someone walked up to my vehicle?


I lied there looking up, mind still racing, still mentally prepared for combat. What if I had opened the door and stepped out, would there have been someone there and if so - would this have been a friendly encounter of a violent one. Once the fear and anger of it subsided, reality set in and the actions I planed to take when I grabbed my Katana. Would have killed to protect myself or would I have fought out of anger alone - I didn’t know and didn’t want to find out but what I do know “there was going to be a conversation because my self zone was violated. I didn’t sleep much after that, just lied there look up thinking about a time passed at home with my wife and our dogs “life can’t get any simpler than that“ then reaching over to picked up my cell-phone. I needed something to motivate me out of the depressed state I found myself in but it was to late to call my wife and even then, I wasn’t because I didn’t want her to worry about me; she dose to much of that now and besides, she was in school and needed to be focus on her work and not me.
I was alone again - no food, no money and very little gas - on the abist of calling it quits yet again. Before I known it, it was time to get ready for work so I did, the whole time thinking (why was this happening to me). The day went by like always, me holding back my emotions until it was time to leave hoping my phone wound ring with some good news was going to change my state of mind and it did, my wife called. Our conversation made me think about the reasons I had to stay focused, to stay off the live of falling apart. The project, the programs and the people it will help, I had more thing to do with my life that had nothing to do with me. There was a e-mail form a friend that came to mind that a old friend sent me, it had TD Jakes face on it and a few verses that helped lift my head and sprits - shake my head and the pain in my heart.

Then I opened my phone to read a tex from my wife (U want to know why I stay so strong because I am ground with Christ in my life, always place him first, he will carry u through anything, talk to him). Wow, it was straight to the point and it was like a kick in my behind. At the end of my day, setting in my SUV pulling out my bible to read;

Acts 2:23
“Him, being delivered by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God, ye have taken, and by wicked hands have crucified and slain”

Matthew 26:24
“The Son of man goeth as it is written of him: but woe unto that man by whom the Son of man is betrayed! It had been good for that man if he had not been born”

Luke 22:22
“And truly the son of man goeth, as it was determined: but woe unto that man by whom he is betrayed”

Then dropped my head to pray.

5 Dream to Reality 10/16/09

Well another day has gone by and another part of my quest to do go has come and gone. I was reminded today how some people envy the fact that I’m ending my carrier in the Military. I think they just don’t understand I’ve been in for over twenty years and when they were just little kids, I was running through the woods training how to survive on a battle field with war vet’s as my mentors and teachers but all in all, today was a good day. I made a new friend today and he gave me some good advice about the project and how to get help with it. His advice help me to see I was getting off track and as some would say “putting the cart before the hose”. I have to prepare to contact major companies about the project and expanse to them how this project will not only honor but create jobs so the next step is a little more clearer to me now. Also, it seems like I’m going to get help with understanding the headaches I’ve been having sense I came back from Iraq, and the dreams I’ve been having that try not to sleep because I don’t want to have them - yes today was a good day.






I talk to my brother also and he had a meeting with a few people about opening a company and after year working on his product, he has the ears of a few people that want to help. I think after they’ve seen he wants to help other by also creating jobs and doing his part in the economic situation we all are in, they see the truth in him. His product (created when we were children) covers three of America’s major sports with futures not on the market today. To have a American made product with the impact his product will do on the economy, I’m proud to have him as my brother - yes today was a go day. Now I have to do my part and finish the proposal and business plan I started, to honor 9/11 and my Military family who gave the ultimate sacrifice - for the freedom we all have and enjoy today. Then one day I wont have to be on gaud and one day I wont have to worry about the night, and one day I’ll be able to get a real good nights sleep.

4 Dream to Reality 10/16/09

It was around three o-clock sitting in my SUV, thinking a time when I was a kid living in Cleveland, Ohio. When my mother had me get in the car with her, she wanted to show me something. Driving around for ten minutes or so, we stopped in front of this store, got out and walked in - it was a music store and the owner was a guitar teacher. I was standing in the middle of all these guitars, it was hard to close my eyes because I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the guitar. She talked to the man behind the counter then he walked me into the back room were there was two chairs and to music stands. Alone the side of the chair stood a few guitars and he ask me to pick one out. I look at him then at my mother, then back at the live of guitars. I pick a Gipson, it was cool brown with dots on the nick and it felt like it was calling out my name (John, John -pick me). After I pick it up, the owner of the store told my mother “he’s a lover of music, not just any music but all music” and my music lesson started. Man, I’d play all day after school and soon I was in a band, we weren’t that good but it kept us out of trouble and off the streets. That summer was one of the best summer of my life as a child, I got to do something I dream of doing and that was learn how to play “not good” but play the guitar. The day I said good bye to my guitar, was a sad day for me, I was twenty years old, married and we had moved to Arlington, Texas. After a conversation with my wife, I was convinced, music was not one of my enjoyments so without thinking, I said goodbye to it and now when I look back on that day “what the hell was I thinking it was an original”.


Years have passed and lessons have been learned, I may not be able to play the guitar the way I’ve always want to but that Gipson will always be with me and the music will always be part of me because now I have a positive attitude and a Keyboard to play. When I’m at my lowest and need some “me time” I play. When I first started playing, I was in Iraq and on mission with my family to find IED’s outside the wire. After every mission I would take a shower, get relaxed and play until it was time to go to sleep or my roommate would tell me to STOP lol lol, sometime the person in the room next door would bit on the wall. This prompted me to buy a headset then I could play even longer, most of the time biting away with the few notes I known or what sounded good to me. Then one weekend day playing, the door and window of my room was open for fresh as I started to play or practice what little I known. After playing three song my roommate came in and said “now that sound like a song and not a crying chicken”, there was two others soldiers outside to, popped their heads in the door and said good job. I’m not a world winning player but it sooth my pain and helps me think so one of the instruments I take everywhere I go is my Keyboard, ask my soldier and they’ll tell you the same (smile).

3 Dream to Reality 04/18/09

One more meeting, one more person to talk to and one more source to collecting support for the project. Two week ago after contacting one of the location for the project, I was ask to send in a funding report, I can’t say how happy this made me feel so I went right to work on it and I’m happy to say, I’ll be sending it to them next week. Working on the project keeps my mind of the pain of the day and everyday it seem to hurt even more but everyday, at the end of the day I feel a lot better because I know good will come out of all the work I've put into it. This morning before I got up, on my back I was thinking about my last days on earth and what would I have to say if I had anything to say, if so it would properly be something like this:


-Yes I’m ready now, I've done all I've been told to do even with my short coming and bad habits - yes I’m ready now. I’ve love more than my poor heart could handle, work more than my poor body could take, yes - I’m ready now. In this I’ve put in everything that’s good and put away everything that’s bad and give everything I had - yes, I’m ready now.
For the things I didn’t do, the heart I couldn’t touch, the minds I couldn’t change; please forgive me for the limitation I couldn't forgo because I only human as you know. I only pray and hope through your work, for others the sky looks a little brighter, the mood a little clearer and a little touch of heaven that set a person free is because this was not give to me. Yes O-yes, inch by inch and pound by pound, my good lord yes I’m ready now.

2 Dream to Reality 06/24/09

After the long drive, a good nights sleep, a slow work day ending; it was time to go back to work on another proposal and finishing touches on a few chapters in my book. Also pulling out some other things I had started and someday hope to have completed as well, like breeding APB so I could in some way help protect them - I think I put in four hours or so, if I total it all up then it was time to get some sleep. As I prepared my sleeping area, the thought of videoing me can and went because sometime I would make a few videos but this was not one of those time, I was to tired. The next morning waking up on my back, looking up at a gray sky with a little light shining in on my lap top, it was one of the hardest sleeps I’ve had in a long time. My body was telling me “Hay - man, your not eighteen anymore” in it own way. I felt pains everywhere but a good stretch always got me back on track. Then reality started to sink in, in the most depressing way, it was not the gray sky I was looking at or the beautiful sun that was shining on my lap top; it was the roof of my SUV and the light that was on my lap top was from a light pole right outside. The most depressing thing of it all was, it wasn’t in the morning, it was around twelve o-clock at night. As I set there shaking my head, trying to fool myself of the pains my body was giving me and the situation I was in, tears started pouring down my face. The thoughts of not being able to talk to my children in Ohio was the pain in my heart, the thoughts of not making enough money to give my family a living, the thoughts of twenty years in the Military and being back stabbed by people I felt I could trust and the kicker was soldier “my brother in arms” who committed suicide after he promised to be there when the project was completed. I’ve had moment of depression before but not like this one and not this hard on my heart.

Putting my head in my hands, I couldn’t help but think “how can I help anyone if I can’t get though this shit in my head - how can I be of any help to anyone - God I miss my kids so bad and why the hell did you leave me, WHY - YOU F%&#ing PROMISED ”. Rolling over to get ready for work seem to be so hard to do, it was like “why should I”, and it wasn’t even time to go to work. In the wake of my depression I started thinking about the project and the victims of 9/11, my Military family that died in the two wars. There was a moment of calmness in my crying and the tears rolling down my face because there was not doubt in my mind I had to get through this, I had to find a way to stay motivated, not for me but for them and others. After all, I was doing something no one had ever thought of doing or, for the most part, never been done in the history of the United States. I was given a blessing in a dream and a task connected with countless mission of helping, all in the name of love, honor and respect. I had a lot to get up for in the morning even if I was living in my SUV after twenty years of Military serves. So what was I to do when depression hit me like a brick and knocks me to my knees “get the hell up” because it knocked me down not out, it knock me down not on my back and even so, if I’m on my back - I can look up so that means I can get up.

I may have cried for more than a hour, falling deeper and deeper into a depressed mood, falling deeper and deeper into why I shouldn’t even try to help anyone until hitting rock bottom. In the back next to me, I keep books to read and movie to watch as my motivation tools. Looking at the bag with all this in it made me think about the reasons I should get up and why I should continue working. Today was going to be one of those hard day to get through and if I wanted to do everything I set out to do then I had to ask myself one question “How bad do you want it”. Okay, you have no money right now “so what” and your hurting from the past “so what” and your retirement year didn’t come close to what you thought it would be “so what”. I have more than most people have and this is what I need to build on and from “so do it”.